I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
