How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize