how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
