Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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