Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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