i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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