He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
