he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
