I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
