omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
