Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
