so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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