Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
