so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
