Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
