some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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