Say something about gay babies.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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