I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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