There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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