I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
