is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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