i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
