I just pynch a tree in the face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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