Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
