oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
