I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
