i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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