Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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