im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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