Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
