I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
