u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
