i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
