bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
