There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
