I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
