I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
