What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
