I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
