I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is the high leading the old right now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
