i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
