dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
