Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
