I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
