forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
