just come out here and I will go home with you...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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