non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
