THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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