You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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