I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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