I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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