The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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