We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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