I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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