oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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