dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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