i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
