tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
