He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize