you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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