This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize