I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
