Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
